causational | psl; after the kiss

Those words actually hurt to hear. His eyes squeeze shut at those words and he shakes his head a little. "No, babe...you're not." He pulls back a little and tugs gently on his arm in hopes he'll turn and look at him.

If he complies, Cisco will reach up to frame Eddie's face with his hands, focus his attention on him; if not, he'll just stay close. "You are the furthest thing from weak. You're allowed to feel things, Eddie...you're allowed to not be okay."

Licking his lips, Eddie keeps his head down, his eyes closed, lets the water run from his hair down over his face and drip off his chin onto his chest. It feels good, cleansing, like he's washing off some of the things Eobard said, even if the stain of them will never really go away.

When Cisco tugs at him, gentle and careful, he turns obediently, almost on auto-pilot, and lifts his chin a little, droplets of water stuck on his lashes, his lips slightly pursed. Cisco's hands are warm and gentle framing his face, and he swallows hard, his gaze dropping the moment Cisco says he's not weak, that he's allowed to feel things and not be okay. The lump in his throat makes it hard to speak, hard to even breathe properly.

"You just deserve...you deserve someone who can be strong. I'm not strong right now."

"Baby, you are," he insists softly, his thumbs brushing gently across Eddie's cheeks. "You're one of the strongest people I know." And he doesn't just say that for the sake of it, he genuinely believes that. Eddie has been through so much, and here he is, worried that he's not being strong for him right now?

Sometimes, with the way things balance, it's easy to forget that Eddie doesn't always have the highest opinion of himself. Or more to the point, that he holds himself to too-high standards, far above the expectations he'd have for other people. But it's moments like this that make that painfully obvious and Cisco feels a little out of his depth being on this end of this equation. But he wants to help Eddie, to assure him that this is okay. That he can be upset and hurt by everything that happened without being weak. Because he isn't. God, he isn't weak at all, and Cisco just wants to find a way to make him see that.

He slides his hands to rest on Eddie's shoulders before sliding down his arms so he can take his hands in his own. "Listen, this... this thing that feels like weakness to you right now? It's just part of being human. It- it's normal. Nobody can be okay all the time, and that's okay, you know? Because...that's what you have me for." He manages a small smile with those words.

"I'm here...just like you're always here for me when I'm mad or upset, you-- you just listen and you let me feel whatever I feel and you help me through it, you know? And I wanna do that for you, too." He reaches up and cups one hand around his cheek. "Let me be your safe space, Eddie." It's a gentle request, and an echo of something he'd told Eddie once, about how he felt when he was with him. He gently tugs him close and wraps his arms around him in a warm hug.

There are moments that Eddie knows in an instinctive way are going to stick in his mind forever, matter to him forever, moments that are turning points in his life. This, he thinks, is one of them, this moment where he insists that he isn't good enough for Cisco, that he can't be strong the way Cisco needs him to be, that he's weak for being hurt like this over what happened, for being afraid, and instead of agreeing with him, Cisco cups his face, so so gently, and strokes his cheeks and says he's strong.

For a moment, Eddie stares at him, his blue eyes a little round, while Cisco keeps going, touches his face in that gentle intimate way, slides his hands down his shoulders, warm gentle fingers skimming down his arms until Cisco is taking his hands in his. When Cisco looks at him and speaks in a voice that is so firm and so earnest and so incredibly gentle, promises to be there for him like he's there for Cisco, hugs him and says he wants to be his safe space, the dam inside Eddie breaks.

It takes a few seconds for the emotions to spill over it, but when they do, he's wrapping his arms around Cisco, tilting his head down to bury his face in Cisco's neck, eyes closed, his chest heaving with a heavy breath, and he's crying, quiet and intense, against Cisco's neck. Crying because he was afraid and hungry and lonely and because he missed this, missed being able to sink into the comforting warmth that is Cisco Ramon, because he was afraid he'd die and never see him again, never see his mom or dad again either, but mostly Cisco.

It seems to go on forever, but in reality, it's only a minute or two before the little sobs trail off and Eddie's breathing hard, his mouth pressed against Cisco's bare shoulder.

"You are." he says, finally, his voice a little rough with tears.

As Eddie releases all the pent of emotions he'd refused to really allow himself to feel, Cisco just holds him, cradling him close as he can, hands moving in comforting circles against his back or threading gently through his hair, or muttering quiet, soothing things to help keep him calm. Anything, anything at all that would just silently let him know he's here, he isn't alone in this and he has someone to cling to and be the life raft he needs right now.

The moment isn't as long as Cisco would have expected, but he knows Eddie is far from out of the woods on this. But it's good. It's good that he's making it through the first of this. He can't help smiling weakly at those two simple words. He kisses Eddie's forehead and mumbles a soft, "Good."

With that, he gently moves Eddie further under the water in the shower and helps him wash away whatever grime remains. And eventually, they slip out of the shower and into fresh clothes, which he can only imagine feel a thousand times better to Eddie than they possibly could to Cisco himself.

Once they're dressed, he threads his fingers through Eddie's own and guides him easily into the bedroom, where he sits on the bed with him, thumb moving in gentle circles against the edge of Eddie's hand in what he hopes is a comforting way. "You hungry?" He asks softly, looking up at him, eyes searching his boyfriend's face for any indication of what he might need just now. He wants nothing more in this moment than to do any-and-everything that will help Eddie feel more comfortable in his own skin.

Everything is perfect about how Cisco handles Eddie's grief - he doesn't draw attention to it, doesn't coddle, doesn't make Eddie feel weak. He just stands still and offers support, he holds him gently and makes soft murmuring wordless noises, he touches his hair and rubs his back and is simply present, allows Eddie to excise all of the ugly things going on inside himself, lets him cry it out. And when Eddie's gotten it out and feels alright again, not perfect, not okay, but capable of continuing on without falling apart, he lifts his head and looks at Cisco like he's his everything.

In that moment, he absolutely is.

So he lets Cisco help him wash off and gets into clean clothes, robotic but with Cisco's gentle help, and when Cisco leads him into the bedroom, he sits heavily on the bed. At that question of whether he's hungry, Eddie manages a tiny, wry smile.

"I'm...really hungry, actually. Feeding me wasn't..."

For a moment, his voice chokes off, and then he speaks again, quietly and a little hoarse.

"Feeding me wasn't exactly his top priority."

Cisco notices the way Eddie is really just going through the motions, more robotic in his movements than present for it. But he won't push about that right now because he doesn't have to ask why he's so detached from the moment. It's understandable in ways Cisco wished he didn't know.

He doesn't push Eddie when his voice gives out midway through what he was saying. His hand finds a spot on Eddie's back to rub gentle circles against while he recovers and finishes the thought. It's a painful thing, but not very surprising, considering the source. "Maybe something light, like soup or something?" he suggests. He definitely wouldn't want to give him something that would turn his stomach.

psl; after the kiss

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