causational | psl; after the kiss

[When Eddie wakes up, it's with no small amount of disorientation - he's tangled up in sheets and blankets that don't smell like his, in a bed that doesn't feel like his, with slats of sunlight falling across the bed through blinds that aren't his. Beside him, pressed against him, tangled up with him, is a warm, solid body, and instinctively, still half-asleep, he presses his face into the warmth of the person he's with, against soft warm hair and smooth skin. The scent is familiar, and he lies still, making a soft groan in his throat as he nuzzles in, his body tensing a little and then relaxing, trying hazily to piece together what had happened the night before.

Some part of him is aware that it's later in the morning than he usually gets up, the heat in the room and the angle of the light suggests it's closer to noon than his usual 5 am alarm. Opening his eyes, he sighs softly, rolls over onto his back, and stretches, back arching, yawning and then relaxing limply into the mattress. Turning his head, he finally registers who it is in the bed with him - eyes closed, lashes making dark crescents against tan cheeks, hair messily splayed over the pillow, body relaxed, Cisco lies next to him.

For a moment, Eddie is still, brows furrowed as it all comes back to him in a rush. Two Star Trek movies and half of Fast and the Furious, the cuddling on the couch, going into the bedroom together, the kissing, the confessions of affection.

He waits for panic to set in, but it never does. All he feels is a sort of deep sense of contentment, a fluttering of nervous pleasure at all of it. Lying his head back down on the pillow, he lets himself smile, basking in all of it - the morning of sleeping in, the warm sunshine, the way Cisco looks while he sleeps, the memory of what had happened the night before.

But the basking can only last so long, and after a few minutes of it, he reaches out and gently strokes some of Cisco's hair back from his forehead and cheek, smiling slightly.]

Cisco? [His voice is soft, pitched gentle.] Hey, Cisco...

[Cisco has an odd relationship with sleep. Most nights, it takes him entirely too long to get there, but once he does crash, he's out like a rock and can sleep a good portion of the day away if he's allowed. Today is no different, in fact, he arguably slept harder than usual because for the first time in a long time, he wasn't alone. He's always found it easier to sleep with someone next to him, part a bit touch-craved, part just being genuinely lonely. Plus, the warm weight resting against him is just a bonus.

He's not really all too near consciousness just yet, but that hazy awareness is trying to knock at the door and he stirs a little, burrowing against that warmth at his side with a soft graon of protest. He doesn't want to be awake yet, so he'll just cling to the last scraps of sleep while he can.

The light brush of a hand against his face as his hair is moved away starts him awake more than anything, though his eyes don't quite open yet.]

Mmn? [He mumbles incoherently, squinting his eyes open against the sunlight peeking in through the blinds. That's when the haze breaks and awareness hits and oh. Oh, God. Was what he was remembering real or was it a dream?

Something like panic rises in his chest and has him sitting up a little too fast, eyes unmoving and locked on Eddie while the rest of the world fades from existence. There's a painfully obvious nervous note in his voice as he stumbles his way through his words.] Eddie? I... wh-- that happened, right? It- it was real?

[Please, God, let it be real because it he has to explain what he's talking about because it was all just a really, really great and seriously realistic dream, he might die of embarrassment.]

Edited 2016-10-16 23:11 (UTC)

[Eddie jerks and gasps sharply when Cisco sits up like that, looking a little panicked, stuttering out those questions, asking if that happened, if it was real. For a second, Eddie is consumed with self-doubt, not really about whether or not it had happened, but about whether or not Cisco wants it to have happened.

For a moment, he's still, his eyes searching Cisco's face, trying to read it, chest rising and falling a bit heavily. The surprise is clear on his face and he licks his lips nervously, blinks a bit and then drops his gaze.]

Uh. Yeah. I mean...you remember the whole....cuddling and then kissing thing. And how we both said we liked it. And stuff...yeah. Yeah that was real. I mean, it's okay if you'd rather it wasn't, we can just act like it didn't happen...

No! [He says a little too quickly, a little too loud, and his cheeks burn at that realization. He drops the volume of his voice and tries again.] I mean... wh-why wouldn't I want that? I meant what I said. I jus...[He gives a soft, nervous chuckle and tucks his hair behind his ear.] you're sure? That-- that's what you want?

[His eyes never left Eddie's face. His heart is thudding hard against his chest because this was the part where he had to expect the worst. Truth was, Cisco hoped he didn't back out. He tried not to, hope usually leads to disappointment and he tried to avoid that as often as possible. If the bar is set low, then you're surprised more than you're disappointed.

Or it was the theory he ran on, even if it didn't always work out like it was supposed to. But he was giving Eddie an out, he could easily just back out now, no hard feelings, totally clean break.]

[It's kind of a relief when Cisco blurts out "no" so quickly in response to Eddie's suggestion that they can act like it never happened, forget about it. Cisco seems to be as nervous as him, and he shouldn't feel so reassured by that, it shouldn't make him feel a little more secure, confident. He smiles a bit, though, ducks his head and glances down even as Cisco looks at him, keeps eyes on him.

He can feel those dark eyes searching him, his body language, trying to figure him out. Eddie's smile widens a little, and he looks up at Cisco through pale lashes.]

I mean. Yeah. That's why I kissed you...

[Biting his lower lip a little, he holds Cisco's eyes.]

I don't think it was a mistake. Not unless you do.

[A weight lifts from his chest and something bright and warm takes its place instead. He can't contain the smile that spreads across his face. Oh, God, he's adorable. That's totally unfair.]

No. [He shakes his head and shifts closer to Eddie, resting a hand gently on his arm.] It's definitely not a mistake.

[Teeth closing on his lower lip, Eddie looks at Cisco's face again, the smile widening, his cheeks a little flushed as Cisco starts grinning at him, says it isn't a mistake.]

Good. I mean, you were a little sleep-drunk, you know? I didn't want to take advantage of you when you were vulnerable.

[There's a hint of truth to it, and a hint of teasing as well. Flirting.]

I was pretty out of it...[He laughs softly and shakes his head.] But I knew exactly what I was doing. I've...[He shrugs one shoulder.] kind of liked you for awhile, actually, I just...couldn't say anything.

[His gaze drops and something flutters in his stomach. He's usually not so outspoken, but Eddie is just easy to talk to, to be open with.]

[When Cisco says that, Eddie's mouth curves into a slow smile, and he ducks his head, a little shy suddenly. Shaking his head, he laughs a soft, surprised laugh, and glances back up at Cisco.]

Why couldn't you say anything? I mean. I thought we were pretty open to talking about feelings with each other.

[Eddie's aware that Cisco apparently thinks he's some kind of sunshine being or something, after what he'd said the night before, but it doesn't really register that someone like Cisco could've been too shy. Cisco's always seemed so confident, to him.]

We are, but... [He bites his lip and his voice is hushed, barely above a whisper.] I knew it would change things. And it could have gone really differently. Ruined what we already have...

[He frowns slightly and fidgets a little.] I wasn't really willing to risk losing that. I'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you at all.

[The answer is both encouraging and a little disappointing - it's good to know Cisco feels like they can talk about things, that he considers him a friend. But the fact that he'd worried about it changing things is sad in its own way.

Leaning in, he smiles softly at Cisco, and shakes his head.]

Look. Even if I hadn't returned the feeling, you could've talked to me about it. I promise. You've been really good to me, Cisco, and even without all this...I consider you a close friend. You're important to me. I wouldn't have let anything change. Okay?

[He tips his head to look at him, a smirk on his lips the entire time. He slides his hand down Eddie's arm, threading his fingers with his own and groans, soft and playful, leaning down to hide his face against Eddie's shoulder.] God, how do you exist?

[He's practically drunk on happiness in this moment. How had he gotten this lucky?]

[The way Cisco responds, with that groan, leaning over to press his face warm and soft against Eddie's shoulder, makes him laugh softly. He tilts his head and lets his own face rest into the warm hair at the crown of Cisco's head.]

What? How do you exist? It's not fair that someone as brilliant as you gets to be cute too.

[But he says it with an obvious smile in his voice, exhales into Cisco's hair.]

Mmm...wow. What a great way to wake up.

[Cisco feels his cheeks grow hot and he's suddenly glad his face is hidden, but he can hear the smile in Eddie's voice and it's amazing how it makes him smile. And he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.] You really think so? [He doesn't actually mean for that to slip out, to let his insecurities ruin this beautiful thing that's happening, but he doesn't even have time to think about it before it tumbles out. It's softer than he'd meant it to be, but he has no doubt Eddie heard it.

He tips his head up at that last comment and grins a little wider.] Right? it's perfect. [He slides his thumb against the side of Eddie's hand.] Can we just stay here for awhile?

[Even from the short time they've been getting closer, Eddie's become really aware that Cisco has certain insecurities. He's noticed, over and over again, how Cisco will run himself down when it doesn't have anything to do with engineering. How it seems like his meta naming abilities and his tech savvy are the only things he really likes about himself. It makes Eddie sad, but it is what it is, it's part of Cisco, and if he's going to help it's going to take time.

But the fact is, the more a person is told something about themselves, the more likely they are to believe it. So Eddie stands a chance of helping change his mind, and there's no time like the present to start. He's got the patience and endurance to keep saying it until someday, even if it's far in the future, Cisco starts to believe it.]

Yeah, I really think so. You're brilliant, and cute, a great, loyal friend. You're kind and compassionate and funny and...you know, the whole package.

[Eddie's cheeks flush, he resists the temptation to comment that Cisco's tight jeans don't hurt either.]

Mmm, and yeah, you couldn't drag me out of this bed for anything.

[Lying back down, he rolls onto his back and gently pats his chest.]

More cuddling?

[His nose wrinkles in a way that's more amused disbelief than disgust and he shakes his head a little. He doesn't see it, but he also doesn't dispute it. If nothing else, he believes Eddie sees and means those things, and right now, in the giddy high of the moment, that's all that matters.]

Mmm, good. [He grins and slides down to rest against Eddie again, head pillowed on his chest, an arm loosely draped over him.] Cause this is exactly where I wanna be.

[And he doesn't even realize, until the words are out of his mouth, how much he really means that. Something warm swells in his chest and spreads everywhere at once. The sensation is familiar, the kind of thing that only comes with certain types of real happiness. He's missed that feeling, this light and warmth that Eddie seems to carry with him everywhere he goes. It's nice to have it again.]

[Eddie believes it, deeply and truly, and doesn't expect that he'll be changing his mind any time soon. Because his opinion of Cisco has only improved since they started hanging out more, and he thinks it could probably keep getting better for a really long time.

And it's dangerous to think that way. He'd thought that way about Iris and look how that had ended up.]

Same.

[It's soft, and genuine, and as Cisco drapes himself against his chest, his arm across his belly, he smiles and exhales heavily, obviously enjoying the contact. His hand drifts up, fingers digging into Cisco's warm hair, stroking it back gently.]

Mm, so you really had a crush on me? I didn't notice at all. Wow.

[He grins shyly, nodding.] Yeah... I tried not to be obvious about it. I didn't...want you to feel like I was taking advantage of you, of the situation... Coming off a breakup is kinda hard to navigate, you know? And I didn't want...i didn't wanna make it harder. You deserved the time to heal.

[As he speaks, a quiet, low rumble against Eddie's chest, his hand slides up, one finger tracing idle patterns against the material of his shirt. With the...permission? in place now, Cisco can't seem to stop touching him.]

[For a moment, Eddie's brows furrow, and he exhales softly. It's somehow a little funny and more than a little sweet, Cisco's concern. So Eddie brings his arms around Cisco's shoulders. Squeezes him tight, presses another kiss against the crown of his head.]

That's...really good of you.

[His voice is soft, and he cards his fingers back through Cisco's hair again, enjoying how smooth the strands are between his fingers, how soft they feel.]

That's why I like you, you know that, right? Because you're good. And cute. Really cute.

[Cisco relishes in that feeling like safety and security in Eddie's arms. He could really, really get used to that.] Isn't it just common decency to not pounce someone the second they break up with someone else?

[Almost involuntarily, Cisco's eyes slide shut as Eddie winds his fingers through his hair. And in response, he continues to draw patterns against Eddie's chest.] Mmm...you see me differently than I see me... [He frowns a little and opens his eyes, tipping his head back to squint up at him.] your way sounds better.

[Eddie laughs a little, tilts his head and makes a soft hum.]

Common decency isn't all that common, unfortunately. You're just a particularly good person, I think.

[A little, rueful smile, and he keeps working fingers through Cisco's hair, letting his short nails scrape slightly against the younger man's scalp. This is nice, feeling the solid heat of Cisco's body against his own, the weight of him, the way his fingers move against Eddie's chest. It makes him shiver a little.]

I thought I might. See you differently than you see yourself, I mean. [He pauses for a moment, as Cisco draws his head back and looks up at him. Tugging his hand free of Cisco's hair, he traces his lips with his thumb, then the line of his cheekbone.] My way is true. I think you're too hard on yourself.

[He feels his cheeks burn lightly at the compliment of being a good person. He never knows how to react to positive things said about himself, but he doesn't fight it this time. Eddie never sounds like he's trying to placate him or force some kind of platitude on him, it makes it easier to accept than with most people.

He likes the way he seems to be able to make Eddie shiver with just simple, playful, light touches. A small smile slips over his lips at the realization.

As Eddie traces his lips and trails his thumb across his cheek, Cisco bites his lip and his breath hitches slightly in his throat. He could ask a lot of questions about that, but he doesn't really want to. Instead, he shifts and leans up to press his lips against Eddie's, and there's still a tentativeness to it, cautious but eager.]

[Eddie's like that - he speaks his mind, he says what he's thinking, he's honest and terrible at lying. Terrible at platitudes, and terrible at faking it. He always has been. So he doesn't flatter, he just honestly says what he's thinking, especially when what he's thinking is good.

And it's nice to watch Cisco accept it a little, even if Eddie can tell he's struggling with the acceptance. It's something to work on, he thinks. Telling Cisco good things about himself until he believes them.

That soft little smile is addictive, and so is the soft hitch in Cisco's breath, and the kiss is even moreso. Cisco's mouth is warm and soft and Eddie leans in. His hand moves to the side of Cisco's face, cupping it, rubbing his thumb against the smooth line of his cheekbone, and he makes a soft, happy noise in his throat as he returns the kiss.]

They had been at this for... a couple of weeks now. The pair of them, just being, and flirting and having dates here and there when the time and lack of crisis in the city allowed. And it was perfect, honestly, everything Cisco could have hoped for after that first night of clumsy confessions made in the dark. Eddie was amazing, above and beyond just about anyone else he'd dated in a long while. He had a type, and Bad Decisions were usually it. Eddie was the exact opposite of that, though, and he's starting to wonder if maybe that's exactly what he needed all along. He's glad Eddie gets to be that person, the different one, the shining star.

The only thing that hadn't been done just yet, that was a normal part of this whole dating thing, was...telling people. Cisco navigated the conversations where it almost came up with the ease and skill of someone who is used to keeping secrets. Not that he's ashamed or even that he doesn't want to share the news with their friends, as much as it probably looks exactly like either or both of those things. But he knows how this goes, and the second they know, it's everyone's. Business. Information. Story to tell. The second a group knows a thing, that's when it becomes community property and...he's not ready for that yet.

Cisco isn't the most secretive person, sure, he has his secrets same as anyone else, but for the most part, he's pretty open. This is one area of his life that he isn't quite as readily open about. Not immediately. It's always been that way. He likes the idea of having a piece of things that are entirely his own, and not for the world to see. And it's not at all about shame, more than it is about pure and unadulterated selfishness.

If Eddie's bothered by any of it, Cisco certainly hasn't picked up on anything. Whether that's because everything's fine, Cisco's oblivious, or Eddie's hiding anything is yet to be seen. But as it stands, Cisco is blissfully unaware of any potential animosities brewing as he answers the door to his apartment, beaming and bright at the sight on the other side of the door. "Hey, you," he ushers his boyfriend inside with a wave of his hand and steps aside so Eddie can slip in and he kicks the door shut with his foot.

It isn't like Eddie had wanted to scream the whole thing from the rooftops immediately the next day or anything, but he's also not great at hiding things, at lying and keeping secrets. And maybe it reminds him a little of when he'd been with Iris for those first nine months, before Barry had woken up and found out and he'd finally put his foot down. All those months of wondering if the real reason was that she was ashamed of him, that she didn't want to admit that she cared for someone like him.

Now it's Cisco doing it, gracefully navigating conversations around the fact that he and Eddie are seeing each other, changing the subject, drawing attention away from why Eddie's at S.T.A.R. Labs so much more often than he used to be. And Eddie's left wondering why, for two relationships in a row, the person he's with doesn't want to admit to being with him. It's almost enough to give him a complex, especially because this time the only real reason he can think of is that they're both guys - especially since Cisco hasn't talked about it, hasn't given him a reason why.

It's not enough to dampen his enjoyment of everything that's happening, not enough to make him question any of this, but it's definitely enough to sit in the back of his mind and make him feel vaguely worried, uncomfortable. So when the door opens and Cisco greets him with a grin, then shuts the door so quickly behind him, Eddie feels that stirring of anxiety. But he lifts his hands, showing off the bags of groceries he's carrying.

"Hey. I thought it might've been a while since you had a vegetable. I wanted to cook dinner for you."

A little smile, and he toes off his shoes, heading into the kitchen, giving Cisco a little smile, "How far off am I?"

psl; after the kiss

morning after;

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{Lie with me and forget the world

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