[When Eddie wakes up, it's with no small amount of disorientation - he's tangled up in sheets and blankets that don't smell like his, in a bed that doesn't feel like his, with slats of sunlight falling across the bed through blinds that aren't his. Beside him, pressed against him, tangled up with him, is a warm, solid body, and instinctively, still half-asleep, he presses his face into the warmth of the person he's with, against soft warm hair and smooth skin. The scent is familiar, and he lies still, making a soft groan in his throat as he nuzzles in, his body tensing a little and then relaxing, trying hazily to piece together what had happened the night before.
Some part of him is aware that it's later in the morning than he usually gets up, the heat in the room and the angle of the light suggests it's closer to noon than his usual 5 am alarm. Opening his eyes, he sighs softly, rolls over onto his back, and stretches, back arching, yawning and then relaxing limply into the mattress. Turning his head, he finally registers who it is in the bed with him - eyes closed, lashes making dark crescents against tan cheeks, hair messily splayed over the pillow, body relaxed, Cisco lies next to him.
For a moment, Eddie is still, brows furrowed as it all comes back to him in a rush. Two Star Trek movies and half of Fast and the Furious, the cuddling on the couch, going into the bedroom together, the kissing, the confessions of affection.
He waits for panic to set in, but it never does. All he feels is a sort of deep sense of contentment, a fluttering of nervous pleasure at all of it. Lying his head back down on the pillow, he lets himself smile, basking in all of it - the morning of sleeping in, the warm sunshine, the way Cisco looks while he sleeps, the memory of what had happened the night before.
But the basking can only last so long, and after a few minutes of it, he reaches out and gently strokes some of Cisco's hair back from his forehead and cheek, smiling slightly.]
Cisco? [His voice is soft, pitched gentle.] Hey, Cisco...
[Cisco has an odd relationship with sleep. Most nights, it takes him entirely too long to get there, but once he does crash, he's out like a rock and can sleep a good portion of the day away if he's allowed. Today is no different, in fact, he arguably slept harder than usual because for the first time in a long time, he wasn't alone. He's always found it easier to sleep with someone next to him, part a bit touch-craved, part just being genuinely lonely. Plus, the warm weight resting against him is just a bonus.
He's not really all too near consciousness just yet, but that hazy awareness is trying to knock at the door and he stirs a little, burrowing against that warmth at his side with a soft graon of protest. He doesn't want to be awake yet, so he'll just cling to the last scraps of sleep while he can.
The light brush of a hand against his face as his hair is moved away starts him awake more than anything, though his eyes don't quite open yet.]
Mmn? [He mumbles incoherently, squinting his eyes open against the sunlight peeking in through the blinds. That's when the haze breaks and awareness hits and oh. Oh, God. Was what he was remembering real or was it a dream?
Something like panic rises in his chest and has him sitting up a little too fast, eyes unmoving and locked on Eddie while the rest of the world fades from existence. There's a painfully obvious nervous note in his voice as he stumbles his way through his words.] Eddie? I... wh-- that happened, right? It- it was real?
[Please, God, let it be real because it he has to explain what he's talking about because it was all just a really, really great and seriously realistic dream, he might die of embarrassment.]
[Eddie jerks and gasps sharply when Cisco sits up like that, looking a little panicked, stuttering out those questions, asking if that happened, if it was real. For a second, Eddie is consumed with self-doubt, not really about whether or not it had happened, but about whether or not Cisco wants it to have happened.
For a moment, he's still, his eyes searching Cisco's face, trying to read it, chest rising and falling a bit heavily. The surprise is clear on his face and he licks his lips nervously, blinks a bit and then drops his gaze.]
Uh. Yeah. I mean...you remember the whole....cuddling and then kissing thing. And how we both said we liked it. And stuff...yeah. Yeah that was real. I mean, it's okay if you'd rather it wasn't, we can just act like it didn't happen...
No! [He says a little too quickly, a little too loud, and his cheeks burn at that realization. He drops the volume of his voice and tries again.] I mean... wh-why wouldn't I want that? I meant what I said. I jus...[He gives a soft, nervous chuckle and tucks his hair behind his ear.] you're sure? That-- that's what you want?
[His eyes never left Eddie's face. His heart is thudding hard against his chest because this was the part where he had to expect the worst. Truth was, Cisco hoped he didn't back out. He tried not to, hope usually leads to disappointment and he tried to avoid that as often as possible. If the bar is set low, then you're surprised more than you're disappointed.
Or it was the theory he ran on, even if it didn't always work out like it was supposed to. But he was giving Eddie an out, he could easily just back out now, no hard feelings, totally clean break.]
[It's kind of a relief when Cisco blurts out "no" so quickly in response to Eddie's suggestion that they can act like it never happened, forget about it. Cisco seems to be as nervous as him, and he shouldn't feel so reassured by that, it shouldn't make him feel a little more secure, confident. He smiles a bit, though, ducks his head and glances down even as Cisco looks at him, keeps eyes on him.
He can feel those dark eyes searching him, his body language, trying to figure him out. Eddie's smile widens a little, and he looks up at Cisco through pale lashes.]
I mean. Yeah. That's why I kissed you...
[Biting his lower lip a little, he holds Cisco's eyes.]
I don't think it was a mistake. Not unless you do.
[A weight lifts from his chest and something bright and warm takes its place instead. He can't contain the smile that spreads across his face. Oh, God, he's adorable. That's totally unfair.]
No. [He shakes his head and shifts closer to Eddie, resting a hand gently on his arm.] It's definitely not a mistake.
[Teeth closing on his lower lip, Eddie looks at Cisco's face again, the smile widening, his cheeks a little flushed as Cisco starts grinning at him, says it isn't a mistake.]
Good. I mean, you were a little sleep-drunk, you know? I didn't want to take advantage of you when you were vulnerable.
[There's a hint of truth to it, and a hint of teasing as well. Flirting.]
I was pretty out of it...[He laughs softly and shakes his head.] But I knew exactly what I was doing. I've...[He shrugs one shoulder.] kind of liked you for awhile, actually, I just...couldn't say anything.
[His gaze drops and something flutters in his stomach. He's usually not so outspoken, but Eddie is just easy to talk to, to be open with.]
[When Cisco says that, Eddie's mouth curves into a slow smile, and he ducks his head, a little shy suddenly. Shaking his head, he laughs a soft, surprised laugh, and glances back up at Cisco.]
Why couldn't you say anything? I mean. I thought we were pretty open to talking about feelings with each other.
[Eddie's aware that Cisco apparently thinks he's some kind of sunshine being or something, after what he'd said the night before, but it doesn't really register that someone like Cisco could've been too shy. Cisco's always seemed so confident, to him.]
They had been at this for... a couple of weeks now. The pair of them, just being, and flirting and having dates here and there when the time and lack of crisis in the city allowed. And it was perfect, honestly, everything Cisco could have hoped for after that first night of clumsy confessions made in the dark. Eddie was amazing, above and beyond just about anyone else he'd dated in a long while. He had a type, and Bad Decisions were usually it. Eddie was the exact opposite of that, though, and he's starting to wonder if maybe that's exactly what he needed all along. He's glad Eddie gets to be that person, the different one, the shining star.
The only thing that hadn't been done just yet, that was a normal part of this whole dating thing, was...telling people. Cisco navigated the conversations where it almost came up with the ease and skill of someone who is used to keeping secrets. Not that he's ashamed or even that he doesn't want to share the news with their friends, as much as it probably looks exactly like either or both of those things. But he knows how this goes, and the second they know, it's everyone's. Business. Information. Story to tell. The second a group knows a thing, that's when it becomes community property and...he's not ready for that yet.
Cisco isn't the most secretive person, sure, he has his secrets same as anyone else, but for the most part, he's pretty open. This is one area of his life that he isn't quite as readily open about. Not immediately. It's always been that way. He likes the idea of having a piece of things that are entirely his own, and not for the world to see. And it's not at all about shame, more than it is about pure and unadulterated selfishness.
If Eddie's bothered by any of it, Cisco certainly hasn't picked up on anything. Whether that's because everything's fine, Cisco's oblivious, or Eddie's hiding anything is yet to be seen. But as it stands, Cisco is blissfully unaware of any potential animosities brewing as he answers the door to his apartment, beaming and bright at the sight on the other side of the door. "Hey, you," he ushers his boyfriend inside with a wave of his hand and steps aside so Eddie can slip in and he kicks the door shut with his foot.
It isn't like Eddie had wanted to scream the whole thing from the rooftops immediately the next day or anything, but he's also not great at hiding things, at lying and keeping secrets. And maybe it reminds him a little of when he'd been with Iris for those first nine months, before Barry had woken up and found out and he'd finally put his foot down. All those months of wondering if the real reason was that she was ashamed of him, that she didn't want to admit that she cared for someone like him.
Now it's Cisco doing it, gracefully navigating conversations around the fact that he and Eddie are seeing each other, changing the subject, drawing attention away from why Eddie's at S.T.A.R. Labs so much more often than he used to be. And Eddie's left wondering why, for two relationships in a row, the person he's with doesn't want to admit to being with him. It's almost enough to give him a complex, especially because this time the only real reason he can think of is that they're both guys - especially since Cisco hasn't talked about it, hasn't given him a reason why.
It's not enough to dampen his enjoyment of everything that's happening, not enough to make him question any of this, but it's definitely enough to sit in the back of his mind and make him feel vaguely worried, uncomfortable. So when the door opens and Cisco greets him with a grin, then shuts the door so quickly behind him, Eddie feels that stirring of anxiety. But he lifts his hands, showing off the bags of groceries he's carrying.
"Hey. I thought it might've been a while since you had a vegetable. I wanted to cook dinner for you."
A little smile, and he toes off his shoes, heading into the kitchen, giving Cisco a little smile, "How far off am I?"
Cisco's smile broadens into something bright at that. This was unexpected...and really sweet. "Well, technically there are vegetables in a lot of the takeout I eat, you know." He counters, voice light and playful as he follows Eddie into the kitchen. Someone who wants to cook for him? Yes, please. Even if Cisco can cook, this is seriously so genuinely sweet he can't even find it in himself to argue the idea.
"But I can't really hate the idea of watching you in the kitchen." He admits, leaning on his arms against the counter. "What's on the menu?" He asks, canting his head slightly to one side.
Eddie says it with a broad grin, moving into the kitchen and putting down the bags on the counter. He starts unpacking it, glancing up as Cisco comes in behind him and leans against the counter, watching him.
Eddie pulls out the various ingredients - shrimp, fresh angel hair pasta, garlic cloves, parsley, broccoli - and lines them up on the counter. Glancing over at Cisco with a bright, mischievous little grin, he shrugs.
"Shrimp scampi pasta with broccoli. And really? You like the image of me in the kitchen?" Eddie laughs at that, shifting his hip to nudge against Cisco's, "You like seafood, right?"
"Aw, fiiiine." He draws the word out playfully, watching as all the ingredients are lined up on the counter. His eyes light up at the answer, "Oooh, that sounds delicious." He had no idea Eddie was so great in the kitchen, but he's definitely already approving of this little endeavor.
"Who doesn't like a guy who can cook?" He chuckles softly when Eddie bumps his hip. He grins and pushes off the counter, moving over to a section where he won't be in Eddie's way so he can hop up to sit on the edge. Prime viewing perch.
Well, that definitely answers the question of whether Cisco is okay with seafood. When his boyfriend says it sounds delicious, Eddie grins at him, tries to ignore the squirming question of why Cisco won't admit to going out with him, and starts putting the food together.
He's made this recipe enough times that he could do it in his sleep, so he's more focused on Cisco, as the younger man pulls away and hops onto the counter to watch him. Glancing up at his boyfriend, Eddie gives him a warm little smile.
"Mmm, I dunno, but I'm told it's an attractive skill. Which is why I'm bringing it out right now. Got to impress my sexy new boyfriend, right?"
Cisco smiles back. He can't help it, Eddie has one of those really warm, incredibly infectious smiles that he can't let go without returning it. The kind of smile that makes something in his chest tight and warm.
"You don't have impress me," the words tumble out before he can even catch himself, and how self-deprecating it sounds. He tries to curb that sometimes, because he knows it can get kind of old, quick, to hear someone talk about themselves the way he does so often about himself. But, he makes a save by adding, "I'm already hooked."
And it wasn't a lie, either. Cisco can't get enough of him.
Eddie laughs softly when Cisco says he doesn't have to impress him, looking up at him, and he can see it, the moment Cisco realizes he said something self-deprecating, can see the way he covers for it by adding that he's already hooked. Eddie's brows raise, but he doesn't reply right away, just focusing on the cooking prep for a moment.
Shrugging, he glances up again, mouth curved into a half-smile, and licks his lips a little nervously. Nervous because he wants to bring up his concerns, but at the same time, it's hard, it's a tough topic, and he's not sure if he feels secure enough, yet.
"Well, I think you're worth impressing. You know that, right?"
It isn't that no one had been looking for him. Eddie knows that, knew it the whole time he'd been down there, in the bowels of S.T.A.R. Labs with Eobard, or alone in the darkness. He knows it, had reminded himself of it so often over the course of nearly two weeks that it's worn into his mind like a groove worn in the floor from pacing, like a path worn through the grass through constant use. It isn't that no one had been looking for him, it isn't that no one had cared, it isn't that they had forgotten about him.
But every moment he'd spent alone in the dark, terrified and lonely and bored to the point it tried his sanity and guilty for being bored and then terrified again, trying to choke down tears and then failing to choke down tears as his eyes got used to the darkness but he still couldn't see anything, it felt like they had. It felt like Eddie Thawne was the only human being in the universe - he'd never felt so small, not in his whole life, never felt so insignificant. When Joe's voice had echoed through the trap door, when he'd heard the sound of Joe's feet on the ladder, of Iris' and then Cisco's, it had seemed surreal. Like a hallucination, another dream, some projection. It felt like years since anyone had come down that ladder that wasn't Eobard, with his red eyes glowing in the dark and his strong hands almost choking him, and his words...purred out, insults, digs, just believable enough to be believed, carefully chosen to dig at every insecurity, to make every fear seem real.
It had gotten to him. Over and over he'd had to remind himself they were looking so he wouldn't believe Eobard when he said no one cared, when he said no one missed him, when he told him that he didn't matter. When Eddie started to feel like maybe he didn't even exist, like everything around him wasn't real.
When Joe's arm comes around his back and waist, he starts a little, curls to the side to lean against the warm solidness of him, and struggles his way up the ladder. Sitting in Caitlin's infirmary is an exercise in struggling to keep a smile on his face despite the dissociation, the horror lurking under the surface, the fact that this still doesn't seem real. Squinting into the light, he tells them what he remembers, and then he asks to go home.
But his eyes seek out Cisco, and stay on him. He's too shattered, right now, to ask for Cisco to come with him, but he hopes. Hopes that Cisco will see through the tired smile. Hopes that Cisco will understand, and help him.
Nearly two weeks. Eddie had been captured for nearly two weeks before they'd figured out where he was being held. And he'd been right under their noses the entire time. He felt awful for not piecing it together sooner and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what Eobard had done to him, the terrible things he must have said.
Somehow, Cisco managed to rein in the big swell of emotion he was feeling rise up in his chest. He let Caitlin check him over, listens as Eddie recounts the story. But the only thing Cisco is focused on is Eddie. His face. His eyes. The smile that he sees right through. It's a put on thing, a mask to say he's okay when he's the furthest thing from it, and Cisco can see it plain as day.
When he asks to go home, Cisco's immediately at his side, threading his fingers carefully through Eddie's own. "Let me come with you." The words are more of a statement than a question, he's not very intent on letting Eddie stay alone right now. That's the last thing he needs.
Something in Eddie rebels when Cisco asks - insists, really, judging by his tone of voice - that he comes home with Eddie. There are a flurry of self-effacing deflections Eddie wants to shoot back at him.
'You should probably focus on what Eobard was doing. That's more important.' 'I don't matter. I'll be fine.' 'I just need to sleep for a while, then I'll come right back.'
But his mouth opens to say them, and nothing comes out. He just looks at Cisco with his throat tight and forces a wider smile than he was wearing before. But when his voice comes out, it's rough from fighting tears, throaty from almost breaking.
"It's okay babe, you don't...have to..." A moment's pause, and then he continues, his voice quiet, barely able to be heard above the hum of people talking about whatever cylinder Eobard was working on, "...but if you want...I really don't want to be alone, right now."
The scratchy sound to his voice, the pauses and hesitations--it's all more than enough to tell Cisco that by Eddie's side is exactly where he needs to be.
"Of course," he says softly, bringing their joined hands up to press a gentle kiss across Eddie's fingers. "I'll be right there, the whole time."
That quiet promise is the last thing that's said before Cisco helps his boyfriend off the exam table and takes him home. He stops at his own apartment long enough to grab a few things--he's not planning on leaving Eddie's side for a few days, at least--and finishes the rest of the drive to Eddie's place.
"Do you want a shower or rest first?" he asks softly as they get inside.
Eddie is quiet all the way home, subdued, the moment he's out of sight of Caitlin and Iris and Joe and the others, he stops faking the smiles, the easygoing relaxed attempts at looking okay. But he doesn't crumple. Not even when he gets home, with Cisco beside him, he doesn't crumple.
He keeps it together, as Cisco gets them shut into the apartment, and he drops his arms, stares blankly into space for a few moments before lifting his hands and scrubbing them over his face.
"I'm so hungry." he mumbles, his voice soft, "I'm so hungry but...I should shower. Yeah. I should definitely shower first, I'm disgusting."
Even though he hates to see Eddie in a place like this, Cisco's glad he's let go of the facade. For starters, it's better for him to let the real emotion and weight of things pour through than trying to bottle them and play like it's fine. And...it's a show of trust in its own way, that he doesn't feel the need to upkeep that kind of mask around Cisco.
He's still at Eddie's side, a hand resting gently at the small of his back as he considers the options and says how hungry he is. "Okay," Cisco's own voice is soft, "you can take a shower and I'll have something ready when you get out." There's a slight hesitation before he adds, "Un-unless you need...anything." He'd stay with Eddie for every possible second if he had to, but he doesn't want to step over any lines and make him feel like he's babying him or something, either. Eddie may need all the mother-henning in the world right now in Cisco's eyes, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily what he wants.
It's hard, to let go in front of Cisco, and part of him is afraid it'll be a turn-off, that Cisco will think he's weak and unmasculine for not being okay. For not shrugging it of like it's nothing. As much as he trusts Cisco and his feelings, it's hard to believe that it won't make him less in Cisco's eyes for feeling the way he does.
But in the end, the trust is enough that, when Cisco asks if he wants him to make something to eat for when he gets out, or if there's anything else he needs, Eddie turns to look at him. Meeting his eyes, he swallows hard and licks his lips.
"Come in the shower with me? I don't want to be alone right now..."
His voice is soft, a little hitched, and the shame is obvious in the undertone of how he says it.
That touch of shame in Eddie's voice hurts to hear. Cisco doesn't ever want him to feel ashamed for feeling. He's the last person to judge anything like that, his own emotions often far too raw and open.
So when he says, "Of course, babe." he says it like it's the obvious next step and he slides his arm around Eddie's waist gently, guiding him through the apartment. He disappears for a short moment, only long enough to grab Eddie a fresh set of clothes.
There's a thickness to the air that's hard to ignore. Part general tension because of what happened left Cisco unsure of what to say, part guilt he felt at how long it took them to find him. He was right under their noses the entire time...He'd never really be okay with that, so he was going to focus on making Eddie feel okay again.
morning after;
Some part of him is aware that it's later in the morning than he usually gets up, the heat in the room and the angle of the light suggests it's closer to noon than his usual 5 am alarm. Opening his eyes, he sighs softly, rolls over onto his back, and stretches, back arching, yawning and then relaxing limply into the mattress. Turning his head, he finally registers who it is in the bed with him - eyes closed, lashes making dark crescents against tan cheeks, hair messily splayed over the pillow, body relaxed, Cisco lies next to him.
For a moment, Eddie is still, brows furrowed as it all comes back to him in a rush. Two Star Trek movies and half of Fast and the Furious, the cuddling on the couch, going into the bedroom together, the kissing, the confessions of affection.
He waits for panic to set in, but it never does. All he feels is a sort of deep sense of contentment, a fluttering of nervous pleasure at all of it. Lying his head back down on the pillow, he lets himself smile, basking in all of it - the morning of sleeping in, the warm sunshine, the way Cisco looks while he sleeps, the memory of what had happened the night before.
But the basking can only last so long, and after a few minutes of it, he reaches out and gently strokes some of Cisco's hair back from his forehead and cheek, smiling slightly.]
Cisco? [His voice is soft, pitched gentle.] Hey, Cisco...
no subject
He's not really all too near consciousness just yet, but that hazy awareness is trying to knock at the door and he stirs a little, burrowing against that warmth at his side with a soft graon of protest. He doesn't want to be awake yet, so he'll just cling to the last scraps of sleep while he can.
The light brush of a hand against his face as his hair is moved away starts him awake more than anything, though his eyes don't quite open yet.]
Mmn? [He mumbles incoherently, squinting his eyes open against the sunlight peeking in through the blinds. That's when the haze breaks and awareness hits and oh. Oh, God. Was what he was remembering real or was it a dream?
Something like panic rises in his chest and has him sitting up a little too fast, eyes unmoving and locked on Eddie while the rest of the world fades from existence. There's a painfully obvious nervous note in his voice as he stumbles his way through his words.] Eddie? I... wh-- that happened, right? It- it was real?
[Please, God, let it be real because it he has to explain what he's talking about because it was all just a really, really great and seriously realistic dream, he might die of embarrassment.]
no subject
For a moment, he's still, his eyes searching Cisco's face, trying to read it, chest rising and falling a bit heavily. The surprise is clear on his face and he licks his lips nervously, blinks a bit and then drops his gaze.]
Uh. Yeah. I mean...you remember the whole....cuddling and then kissing thing. And how we both said we liked it. And stuff...yeah. Yeah that was real. I mean, it's okay if you'd rather it wasn't, we can just act like it didn't happen...
no subject
[His eyes never left Eddie's face. His heart is thudding hard against his chest because this was the part where he had to expect the worst. Truth was, Cisco hoped he didn't back out. He tried not to, hope usually leads to disappointment and he tried to avoid that as often as possible. If the bar is set low, then you're surprised more than you're disappointed.
Or it was the theory he ran on, even if it didn't always work out like it was supposed to. But he was giving Eddie an out, he could easily just back out now, no hard feelings, totally clean break.]
no subject
He can feel those dark eyes searching him, his body language, trying to figure him out. Eddie's smile widens a little, and he looks up at Cisco through pale lashes.]
I mean. Yeah. That's why I kissed you...
[Biting his lower lip a little, he holds Cisco's eyes.]
I don't think it was a mistake. Not unless you do.
no subject
No. [He shakes his head and shifts closer to Eddie, resting a hand gently on his arm.] It's definitely not a mistake.
no subject
Good. I mean, you were a little sleep-drunk, you know? I didn't want to take advantage of you when you were vulnerable.
[There's a hint of truth to it, and a hint of teasing as well. Flirting.]
no subject
[His gaze drops and something flutters in his stomach. He's usually not so outspoken, but Eddie is just easy to talk to, to be open with.]
no subject
Why couldn't you say anything? I mean. I thought we were pretty open to talking about feelings with each other.
[Eddie's aware that Cisco apparently thinks he's some kind of sunshine being or something, after what he'd said the night before, but it doesn't really register that someone like Cisco could've been too shy. Cisco's always seemed so confident, to him.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
{Lie with me and forget the world
The only thing that hadn't been done just yet, that was a normal part of this whole dating thing, was...telling people. Cisco navigated the conversations where it almost came up with the ease and skill of someone who is used to keeping secrets. Not that he's ashamed or even that he doesn't want to share the news with their friends, as much as it probably looks exactly like either or both of those things. But he knows how this goes, and the second they know, it's everyone's. Business. Information. Story to tell. The second a group knows a thing, that's when it becomes community property and...he's not ready for that yet.
Cisco isn't the most secretive person, sure, he has his secrets same as anyone else, but for the most part, he's pretty open. This is one area of his life that he isn't quite as readily open about. Not immediately. It's always been that way. He likes the idea of having a piece of things that are entirely his own, and not for the world to see. And it's not at all about shame, more than it is about pure and unadulterated selfishness.
If Eddie's bothered by any of it, Cisco certainly hasn't picked up on anything. Whether that's because everything's fine, Cisco's oblivious, or Eddie's hiding anything is yet to be seen. But as it stands, Cisco is blissfully unaware of any potential animosities brewing as he answers the door to his apartment, beaming and bright at the sight on the other side of the door. "Hey, you," he ushers his boyfriend inside with a wave of his hand and steps aside so Eddie can slip in and he kicks the door shut with his foot.
no subject
Now it's Cisco doing it, gracefully navigating conversations around the fact that he and Eddie are seeing each other, changing the subject, drawing attention away from why Eddie's at S.T.A.R. Labs so much more often than he used to be. And Eddie's left wondering why, for two relationships in a row, the person he's with doesn't want to admit to being with him. It's almost enough to give him a complex, especially because this time the only real reason he can think of is that they're both guys - especially since Cisco hasn't talked about it, hasn't given him a reason why.
It's not enough to dampen his enjoyment of everything that's happening, not enough to make him question any of this, but it's definitely enough to sit in the back of his mind and make him feel vaguely worried, uncomfortable. So when the door opens and Cisco greets him with a grin, then shuts the door so quickly behind him, Eddie feels that stirring of anxiety. But he lifts his hands, showing off the bags of groceries he's carrying.
"Hey. I thought it might've been a while since you had a vegetable. I wanted to cook dinner for you."
A little smile, and he toes off his shoes, heading into the kitchen, giving Cisco a little smile, "How far off am I?"
no subject
"But I can't really hate the idea of watching you in the kitchen." He admits, leaning on his arms against the counter. "What's on the menu?" He asks, canting his head slightly to one side.
no subject
Eddie says it with a broad grin, moving into the kitchen and putting down the bags on the counter. He starts unpacking it, glancing up as Cisco comes in behind him and leans against the counter, watching him.
Eddie pulls out the various ingredients - shrimp, fresh angel hair pasta, garlic cloves, parsley, broccoli - and lines them up on the counter. Glancing over at Cisco with a bright, mischievous little grin, he shrugs.
"Shrimp scampi pasta with broccoli. And really? You like the image of me in the kitchen?" Eddie laughs at that, shifting his hip to nudge against Cisco's, "You like seafood, right?"
no subject
"Who doesn't like a guy who can cook?" He chuckles softly when Eddie bumps his hip. He grins and pushes off the counter, moving over to a section where he won't be in Eddie's way so he can hop up to sit on the edge. Prime viewing perch.
no subject
He's made this recipe enough times that he could do it in his sleep, so he's more focused on Cisco, as the younger man pulls away and hops onto the counter to watch him. Glancing up at his boyfriend, Eddie gives him a warm little smile.
"Mmm, I dunno, but I'm told it's an attractive skill. Which is why I'm bringing it out right now. Got to impress my sexy new boyfriend, right?"
no subject
"You don't have impress me," the words tumble out before he can even catch himself, and how self-deprecating it sounds. He tries to curb that sometimes, because he knows it can get kind of old, quick, to hear someone talk about themselves the way he does so often about himself. But, he makes a save by adding, "I'm already hooked."
And it wasn't a lie, either. Cisco can't get enough of him.
no subject
Shrugging, he glances up again, mouth curved into a half-smile, and licks his lips a little nervously. Nervous because he wants to bring up his concerns, but at the same time, it's hard, it's a tough topic, and he's not sure if he feels secure enough, yet.
"Well, I think you're worth impressing. You know that, right?"
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
out of the darkness;
But every moment he'd spent alone in the dark, terrified and lonely and bored to the point it tried his sanity and guilty for being bored and then terrified again, trying to choke down tears and then failing to choke down tears as his eyes got used to the darkness but he still couldn't see anything, it felt like they had. It felt like Eddie Thawne was the only human being in the universe - he'd never felt so small, not in his whole life, never felt so insignificant. When Joe's voice had echoed through the trap door, when he'd heard the sound of Joe's feet on the ladder, of Iris' and then Cisco's, it had seemed surreal. Like a hallucination, another dream, some projection. It felt like years since anyone had come down that ladder that wasn't Eobard, with his red eyes glowing in the dark and his strong hands almost choking him, and his words...purred out, insults, digs, just believable enough to be believed, carefully chosen to dig at every insecurity, to make every fear seem real.
It had gotten to him. Over and over he'd had to remind himself they were looking so he wouldn't believe Eobard when he said no one cared, when he said no one missed him, when he told him that he didn't matter. When Eddie started to feel like maybe he didn't even exist, like everything around him wasn't real.
When Joe's arm comes around his back and waist, he starts a little, curls to the side to lean against the warm solidness of him, and struggles his way up the ladder. Sitting in Caitlin's infirmary is an exercise in struggling to keep a smile on his face despite the dissociation, the horror lurking under the surface, the fact that this still doesn't seem real. Squinting into the light, he tells them what he remembers, and then he asks to go home.
But his eyes seek out Cisco, and stay on him. He's too shattered, right now, to ask for Cisco to come with him, but he hopes. Hopes that Cisco will see through the tired smile. Hopes that Cisco will understand, and help him.
no subject
Somehow, Cisco managed to rein in the big swell of emotion he was feeling rise up in his chest. He let Caitlin check him over, listens as Eddie recounts the story. But the only thing Cisco is focused on is Eddie. His face. His eyes. The smile that he sees right through. It's a put on thing, a mask to say he's okay when he's the furthest thing from it, and Cisco can see it plain as day.
When he asks to go home, Cisco's immediately at his side, threading his fingers carefully through Eddie's own. "Let me come with you." The words are more of a statement than a question, he's not very intent on letting Eddie stay alone right now. That's the last thing he needs.
no subject
'You should probably focus on what Eobard was doing. That's more important.'
'I don't matter. I'll be fine.'
'I just need to sleep for a while, then I'll come right back.'
But his mouth opens to say them, and nothing comes out. He just looks at Cisco with his throat tight and forces a wider smile than he was wearing before. But when his voice comes out, it's rough from fighting tears, throaty from almost breaking.
"It's okay babe, you don't...have to..." A moment's pause, and then he continues, his voice quiet, barely able to be heard above the hum of people talking about whatever cylinder Eobard was working on, "...but if you want...I really don't want to be alone, right now."
no subject
"Of course," he says softly, bringing their joined hands up to press a gentle kiss across Eddie's fingers. "I'll be right there, the whole time."
That quiet promise is the last thing that's said before Cisco helps his boyfriend off the exam table and takes him home. He stops at his own apartment long enough to grab a few things--he's not planning on leaving Eddie's side for a few days, at least--and finishes the rest of the drive to Eddie's place.
"Do you want a shower or rest first?" he asks softly as they get inside.
no subject
He keeps it together, as Cisco gets them shut into the apartment, and he drops his arms, stares blankly into space for a few moments before lifting his hands and scrubbing them over his face.
"I'm so hungry." he mumbles, his voice soft, "I'm so hungry but...I should shower. Yeah. I should definitely shower first, I'm disgusting."
no subject
He's still at Eddie's side, a hand resting gently at the small of his back as he considers the options and says how hungry he is. "Okay," Cisco's own voice is soft, "you can take a shower and I'll have something ready when you get out." There's a slight hesitation before he adds, "Un-unless you need...anything." He'd stay with Eddie for every possible second if he had to, but he doesn't want to step over any lines and make him feel like he's babying him or something, either. Eddie may need all the mother-henning in the world right now in Cisco's eyes, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily what he wants.
no subject
But in the end, the trust is enough that, when Cisco asks if he wants him to make something to eat for when he gets out, or if there's anything else he needs, Eddie turns to look at him. Meeting his eyes, he swallows hard and licks his lips.
"Come in the shower with me? I don't want to be alone right now..."
His voice is soft, a little hitched, and the shame is obvious in the undertone of how he says it.
no subject
So when he says, "Of course, babe." he says it like it's the obvious next step and he slides his arm around Eddie's waist gently, guiding him through the apartment. He disappears for a short moment, only long enough to grab Eddie a fresh set of clothes.
There's a thickness to the air that's hard to ignore. Part general tension because of what happened left Cisco unsure of what to say, part guilt he felt at how long it took them to find him. He was right under their noses the entire time...He'd never really be okay with that, so he was going to focus on making Eddie feel okay again.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)