causational | psl; after the kiss

One thing Cisco really hates sometimes is how easily anybody can read exactly what he's feeling plainly on his face. He's always been that way, and it makes him a terrible liar at times. He's a little surprised by that and he ducks his head shyly. "Really?" he asks quietly, looking up at Eddie cautiously.

He really thought that? Cisco can barely wrap his mind around it. He doesn't see himself the way Eddie seems to see him. Not even a fraction of it, most of the time. And...maybe Cisco puts other people on pedestals sometimes, but Eddie is amazing.

He swings his legs a little. Nervous fidgeting, he excels in it like it's a job he's paid for.

Cisco might be easy to read, but Eddie is also extremely adept at reading people. It's part of his job, he's spent a lot of time learning the body language tics that people display when they're feeling certain ways, learned how to carefully wheedle out of them what he wants to know. And while maybe that second skill isn't one he intends to use on Cisco, he has no qualms about using the first one.

It's easy to see Cisco doesn't think much of himself, and Eddie can understand why - he's come to realize over the past week or two that the people in Cisco's life don't always treat him like he's valuable. As far as Eddie is concerned, that's just a good reason to start really working on making sure his boyfriend realizes he is valuable.

Reaching over, Eddie gently squeezes Cisco's knee, smiling up at him.

"Yeah, really. Why wouldn't you be? You're smart, funny, and really good-looking. You have great hair and a great ass."

Eddie gives him a little grin and then glances down again, taking his hand away.

"And I've been wondering lately if..." A pause, and then, "Never mind."

Cisco can feel his cheeks burn hot at the series of compliments Eddie drops on him. He's definitely not used to that kind of thing. But he doesn't hate it, it's kind of nice. "Thanks," he says, a little awkwardly, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I just don't really see myself that..." He trails off when Eddie pulls away and he starts to say something, but stops himself short.

His heart thuds too quickly in his chest, hard and he can hear it in his own ears. He has no idea what the end of that sentence would have been, but Cisco's mind helpfully supplies a lot of possibilities. He reaches for Eddie's hand before he pulls it completely out of his reach. "Wait...what is it? Wondering if...what?" He threads his fingers through Eddie's. "You can talk to me, Eddie. About anything." And he meant it. He didn't want secrets between them.

"I know you don't. But it's what I see. And I think maybe you're a little biased."

Eddie winks at him, trying to move on past his slip, but Cisco isn't letting it go - he asks what he'd been about to say, and Eddie ducks his gaze, chewing at his lower lip for a moment. It takes a bit to formulate how he wants to say it.

In the meantime, he keeps working on food prep, turning on a pot of boiling water, making sure the shrimp are deveined and handled properly.

"Thanks, Cisco. I mean. It's just that I was wondering if you were maybe not totally proud of us, of this."

He smiles a little at that, nose wrinkling cutely at the way it seems so easy for Eddie to see him the way he does.

That smile dissolves into something more hurt when Eddie explains what he was thinking. "What?" the shock--and maybe the panic, too--that he's feeling is crystal clear in that single word. "Why would y-- of course I am." Once he's sure Eddie is done with things on the stove for the time being, Cisco tugs on his hand to pull him over to settle between his knees. "Why would you think I'm not?"

His heart is hammering in his chest, hard, and there's a vice grip settling and making it hard to breathe. He'd done something to make Eddie feel this way. Intentional or not, it was his fault and he hates it already, without even knowing what it is.

The moment he says it, he regrets it. Honestly, he never should've brought it up in the first place. It's too early, maybe people don't normally share this kind of thing with everyone after this short a time. It's been a while since he was starting out in the dating game, things can change really quickly. Eddie licks his lips nervously, lets Cisco tug him over to settle between his knees.

Lowering his hands, he squeezes at Cisco's knees again, avoiding eye contact for a moment before looking up at him. Cisco looks like he's panicking, like Eddie's scared him, and abruptly he leans forward to wrap his arms around Cisco's waist, hugging him close, burying his face against his chest. The last thing he'd meant to do was scare Cisco or make him feel bad.

For a moment, he's still, just hugging the younger man, then he leans back and looks up at him, "Babe, please don't...you don't have to look like that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just...I guess I've been wondering why you don't...want to tell anyone about us."

He doesn't know what's going on, but he's kind of terrified that he's really screwed up in some massive way. He wraps his arms around Eddie in return, holding him close for a moment until he pulls away.

He frowns slightly at that. "What? No, I-- it's not that I don't want to... I mean, just--" Cisco pauses and presses his lips together, takes a moment to take a deep breath to slow himself down so he can stop stumbling over his words. "I am proud of this. Of us, to be yours. I'm still kind of in awe some days that I even have the right to call you mine." He smiles a little shyly and presses one hand flat against Eddie's chest, licking his lips nervously as he tries to explain, "I do want to share this with everybody, I swear, I do... I just wanted to keep it between us, for a little while.... because this, right now, before the rest of the world knows anything? This is, like, the best part."

He's not doing himself any favors with this explanation and he knows it, which is clear in the way he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. He moves both hands up to rest on Eddie's shoulders when he opens his eyes again. "It's the best part because it's the relationship in it's...purest form, you know? Nobody else can touch it, they can't judge it or say anything about it, cause it's just us, it's mine and nobody else's. Which probably sounds psycho and possessive, I'm sorry....I'm really bad at this." He leans his forehead against Eddie's, both hands going up to cup his boyfriend's face. "I am not ashamed of you or our relationship, I'm just kinda selfish sometimes and I wanted to keep you to myself for a little while."

Edited (18hrs late typo fix >_>) 2016-11-21 15:57 (UTC)

It's a relief that Cisco wraps his arms around him, and Eddie stays quiet, just looking up at Cisco, letting him gather his thoughts and then talk, biting at the inside of his lower lip to make sure he holds his tongue, gives Cisco time and space to explain what's going through his mind. Even if Eddie's more than a little nervous about what it is that's making Cisco hold back on talking about them, about admitting to everyone that they're together.

Cisco looks nervous, he stumbles over his words, awkward and shy in a way that Eddie finds adorable and a little sad at the same time, because he can see how much Cisco doubts himself. How afraid he is of being abandoned. How certain he is that the smallest screw up will make Eddie mad at him or whatever.

When Cisco finishes, his hands on Eddie's chest and shoulders, his dark eyes on Eddie's face, he swallows hard, his cheeks a little flushed, and shakes his head.

"It's...not psycho and possessive. I get it. I mean..." he shrugs his shoulders, takes a breath, his chest rising and then falling heavily, eyes on Cisco's eyes, "I just never really thought of it that way. The last time I started a new relationship, she kept it secret too. Because she didn't think people would approve. I was...I was just starting to get a bit of a complex about people not wanting to be seen dating me. You know?"

Eddie is so perceptive, it's one of the things that can really get to Cisco sometimes. It's almost like he can see right through any wall Cisco tries to put up. Or maybe he's more transparent than he thought, but he kind of prefers the idea that Eddie is just that good at reading people.

"I don't care if anybody approves, I do and...that's all that matters." He slides one hand down Eddie's arm and reaches to lace their fingers together. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. We can tell them, we can tell anyone you want." He can't help the ridiculous smile that's firmly planted on his lips with no sign of going away any time soon. He presses his forehead against Eddie's and bites his lip before brushing his lips against Eddie's. "I really like the idea of people knowing I'm yours." He mumbles softly, still grinning. He means every word of it, he's not just saying it to placate him, he really wants to let Eddie have that moment with their friends, that swell of pride that comes with sharing really great news with people you care about.

"You didn't make me feel bad, babe." Eddie says, with a little smile, gently twining his fingers between Cisco's and rubbing his thumb against Cisco's knuckles, gentle and soft. When Cisco rests his forehead against Eddie's, he juts his chin forward to press a soft kiss against Cisco's lower lip, enjoying the softness against his own lips. He likes Cisco's mouth, full and soft and warm, so he spends a moment kissing it, reveling in the sensation of it.

"And we don't have to rush. If you're enjoying keeping it just between us right now, I'm fine with that, as long as I know it's not...that you're ashamed of us. Of me."

Tilting his head back, he meets Cisco's eyes, swallows a little hard, "I could get that, if you were. It means coming out, doesn't it? Talking about this?"

"Good, cause I'd never wanna do that. Ever." He's more than a little emphatic about that fact, but, well...he has reasons to be. He's been ignored and treated like he was nothing, made to feel impossibly small, and he'd never, in a billion years, want to be the cause of that feeling in someone else. He smiles a little into the kiss, but returns it soft and inviting. Kissing Eddie is kind of one of his favorite things to do these days.

"I could never be ashamed of you, okay? Or us. Like-- not in a million years." He lets out a soft chuckle, "You're amazing, okay? And there's not a thing in the universe that would ever have me associating you and shame in the same sentence." He brings their linked hands up to press a kiss across Eddie's fingers. "Promise."

He catches those crystal blue eyes and considers that for a moment. "I guess it does, yeah." He nods a little.

Eddie can't help but think it'll probably happen, at some point. That Cisco will hurt him and he will hurt Cisco, and it will be awful. But right now, it's nice to know that if it does happen, it won't be on purpose. The soft kisses, gentle and reassuring, against his mouth, against his fingers, are wonderful, and by the time Cisco is saying that he would never be ashamed of him, Eddie is grinning. It's a big, bright grin, warm, his eyes on Cisco's.

"Good. I would never be ashamed of you either. I mean, look at you."

The grin goes a little crooked and Eddie lifts a hand to cup the side of Cisco's face, he brushes his thumb against his boyfriend's lower lip. When Cisco confirms that admitting to going out with him would mean coming out, Eddie nods.

"Yeah. Me too. It's a little scary, isn't it?"

Cisco can't stop the way his cheeks heat up a little at the compliment, but... he doesn't argue it. It's hard not to, it's a kneejerk reaction, but...he tries. For Eddie. Because even if Cisco doesn't believe certain things about himself, Eddie does, and he doesn't want take that away, strip those beliefs of their meaning and their importance. So he tries really hard just to let it happen and sometimes he actually succeeds.

In a little bit of a playful manner, Cisco gently catches his thumb between his teeth. He lets go as a grin forms instead, "A little, but...in good way. More exciting than, like--" He shrugs, "I dunno, dread or something." He presses his forehead against his boyfriend's and kisses the tip of his nose. "But I can do anything with you by my side." There's a genuine belief in those words that hangs in the air briefly. He really does have all the confidence in the world in that fact.

Eddie sees the effort it costs Cisco not to argue about the compliment, and genuinely appreciates the fact that he didn't reject it. It's nice, to see Cisco accept it, however grudgingly, instead of telling Eddie he's wrong. Maybe, he thinks...maybe if he keeps saying things and Cisco keeps accepting them, sometime in the future, Cisco will actually believe what Eddie is saying to him.

When Cisco's teeth close against his thumb, Eddie feels a flush of heat, and he tries to pull his thoughts back to appropriate places, swallowing a little while Cisco speaks. When Cisco continues, resting their foreheads together, kissing Eddie on the nose, he can't help the soft, nervous laugh.

"Mmm, right? I feel the same way about you. I guess I'm a little nervous about coming out, though. Iris is probably going to be pretty upset."

Cisco reaches up to brush a thumb across Eddie's cheek. He's adorable when he gets flustered enough to blush. "Really?" He bites his lip as he considers it. That Eddie feels the same way, like Cisco gives him the push to be able to handle anything that comes his way. It makes something bright and warm swell in his chest. Could he really be that for someone? It's kind of an amazing thought, honestly.

"Don't be." He says softly, shaking his head. "It'll be okay. They're our friends...they'll understand." For all his negativity and cynicism that comes as easy as breathing most days, Cisco is an odd well of hope sometimes. Especially when it comes to the people he cares about. "Might be a little weird for Iris," he admits, because he can't deny that possibility. "But she's a pretty reasonable woman, I think she'll be okay, too."

It's true - there's something about Cisco, his warm presence, his support, his kindness, that makes it easier to feel like he can handle anything. Like he's supported. It feels wrong to think it, but Iris' support, her attention, had always been divided - between him and Barry, him and The Flash, and in the end, the two were the same, weren't they?

Cisco is different. When Cisco looks at him, he feels like Cisco sees him. Cisco looks at him the way he'd always wanted Iris to look at him, and toward the end, had realized she never would.

"Yeah...I think you're right. I guess...I'm nervous about turning both our lives upside-down, you know? But I think the risk is worth it, if I get to hold your hand in public, or kiss you just outside the Cortex, or bring you lunch at work..."

He reaches to lace his fingers through Eddie's own and finds his thumb running across the edge of his hand. "It is...kind of scary. But-- in a good way, you know? Like...when you finally decide to go on a roller coaster or go-- skydiving or something..." His face screws up a little at his own suggestion and he shakes his head. "I don't know. But..." Cisco leans over and presses his lips lightly to Eddie's, "it'll be good. Totally worth it."

As if on cue to end of the conversation, the sound of water trying to boil over onto the stove hits their ears. "Oh, shit," he laughs softly and releases his hold on Eddie so he can go turn the heat on the burner down and calm the briefly forgotten pot down. "I still think it's hot, watching you cook." He grins.

When Cisco makes his comparison, Eddie smiles, bright and abrupt, laughs softly and nods at him, eyes bright..

"Yeah, it's exactly like that. Terrifying, but exhilarating, all at once. And yeah, I think it'll be worth it, to be able to show off that you're my boyfriend. That you and I are together. To have you look at me the way you look at me in public, without being afraid, you know? Or having to hide. And I think I can handle the scary parts with you by my side."

When the water boils over, Eddie laughs again, pulls free of Cisco with another quick peck to his lower lip, and deals with the food. It's only another 20 minutes or so before the food is done, and he's dishing it up, smiling over at Cisco.

"So, how romantic do you want me to go with this?"

"Mmm...yes, all of the couple-y bonus perks." He grins, watching as Eddie moves back over to handle the food. It smells amazing and it isn't long before he's wrapping up.

The question comes as a bit of a surprise and he isn't entirely sure how to answer it at first. After a moment's consideration, he tilts his head to the side curiously, "What'd you have in mind?"

Eddie can't help but grin when Cisco mentions coupley bonus perks. It's still new, being able to say that he and Cisco are a couple, still exciting, sends a thrill through him.

So he's grinning even while he manages the food, gets everything cooked and dished out, and when Cisco asks him what he has in mind, a brow raises. Grinning, he shrugs.

"Well, it's already going to be fancy pasta and champagne, but I also brought candles and flowers..."

He loves that grin, so pure and bright that it makes something warm swell in Cisco's chest to see it. He hopes that never goes away, that nothing ever dulls the light that he sees in Eddie, because it's just nice and he wants to hold onto it as tightly as he can.

"You did?" He can't contain the bright grin of his own that comes with those two little words. He's just so thoughtful and sweet, it still takes Cisco by surprise at times. "I like the sound of that." There's no denying that in his heart of hearts, Cisco is kind of a romantic, so this? This tugs at all the right strings and hits all the right buttons and he can't even dream of denying either himself or Eddie of it.

The light in Eddie's eyes is all for Cisco - it's obvious in how he looks at him, head tilted back, lips slightly parted, his expression awash with happiness. Adoration.

"Of course I did, I mean...I was making dinner for my new boyfriend."

Shifting his shoulders, Eddie tilt his head and grins up at Cisco, mouth curved into a slightly crooked smile. The moment Cisco says he likes the sound of it, Eddie winks at him and heads over to the bag the groceries arrived in. With a little flourish, he pulls out the flowers and candles, sets them up - bright blooms in an empty and rinsed out wine bottle, a few tall candles set out on the table. After dimming the lights a little, he offers Cisco another crooked smile, his cheeks a bit pink.

"Voila..."

Cisco's still grinning as Eddie sets up the flowers and candles, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He acts like this was so normal, so obvious and it just feels so good to know Eddie cares enough to go the extra mile like this, even when he didn't really have to. Kind of makes Cisco feel important, which is a thought that just makes the butterflies a little more wild.

Finally, he slides off the counter and saunters over toward the table. "You're amazing," he says softly, leaning up on his toes to press a soft kiss to the corner of Eddie's mouth.

psl; after the kiss

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